Avoiding the Mindless Office Complaining

[Elaine]

If you are in the workplace, you are sure to face passionately upset co-workers that are complaining about something that can't be changed.

What's the answer: Avoid or Engage?

This is most assuredly one of those times to AVOID the conflict. Here's why Avoiding is a great response:

• If the emotion is high, then you'll not be heard.
• If it truly can't be changed, then there's no need stirring the pot.
• Remember that everyone engaging in the emotional discussion will be associated with it, even if you are just engaging to be helpful.

So, what if this is a discussion where you need to ENGAGE? Here's one way to get it turned around.

1. First, you must label the emotion. This means that you simply state, "David, I can see that you are really upset." If the person recognizes you are listening to them and seeing them, then they may calm down.
2. Let them know you hear what's it's about. This sounds like, "I'm thinking you are upset over [insert what they may be upset about, i.e., the company policy about being late]"
3. Now, the big trick is to not tell them what to do, but let them talk about what's really behind their being upset.
4. Try to identify the main thing that is upsetting and talk with them about their options. If they are completely stuck and won't consider options, point that out. If they just need to talk about what's going on, then you may have diffused the whole thing.